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User: TheOnion

Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As TV On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news medium ghost whisperer

User: TheOnion

Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain's Base Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible. Tags: comedy funny onion satire john mccain barack obama election 2008 sarah palin

User: TheOnion

Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news barack obama election politics john mccain

User: TheOnion

Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news hurricane katrina texas mexico weather weatherman

User: TheOnion

The Onion: Californians Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition Residents took part in rituals like picking through the charred remains of their homes and feigning shock that this could happen to them. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news wildfire california celebrities

User: TheOnion

Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November. Tags: politics election 2008 barack obama john mccain president onion satire

User: TheOnion

The Onion: NASA Tests Effects Of Space On Fat Astronaut Mission specialist Robert Barrett first became suspicious when he noticed most of his tasks involved measuring his waist and eating cookie dough. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news NASA space astonaut fat people

User: TheOnion

The Onion: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news olympics china michael phelps swimming beijing 2008

User: TheOnion

'Cosmopolitan' Completes Study On How To Please Your Man Cosmo scientists have finally cataloged every single way to satisfy your man's carnal cravings by stimulating his secret sex zones. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news fashion cosmo sex women men secrets in bed

User: TheOnion

Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Gives Press Conference The spokesdrone will field questions deemed too dangerous for a human press secretary, whose career could be irreparably damaged by answering them. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news pentagon iraq war george bush press conference military

User: TheOnion

The Onion: The Beijing Olympics - Are They A Trap? 'In The Know' panelists discuss whether our athletes will be able to escape the bamboo cages the Chinese government will try to imprison them in. Tags: comedy funny satire onion fake news china olympics games sports

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The Onion: Study Finds Youths Don't Follow Office Politics Organizations hope to make youth see importance of getting prime parking spaces or a new desk lamp. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news office freak out work job hate my coworker

User: TheOnion

Study: Alzheimer's Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer's Interviews with Alzheimer's patients indicated that an overwhelming majority are, in fact, perfectly fine. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news alzheimer's disease cancer health

User: TheOnion

Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' That Came To Him In A Dream Today Now! shares a delicious omelet recipe you can make at home with just a few simple and surreal ingredients. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news food cooking recipe omelets breakfast brunch today show martha stewart

User: TheOnion

The Onion: Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news dominos pizza food fast

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The Onion: Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years Pausing only to eat, the West Highland white terrier yips and yelps 24 hours a day, according to neighbors. Tags: comedy funny onion satire fake news dogs cats barking

User: TheOnion

The Onion: 'No Values Voters' Search For Most Evil Candidate Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly. Tags: comedy funny onion fake news john mccain barack obama election 2008 white house evil

User: TheOnion

Congress Struggles To Come Up With Cool Name For Drug Law Before a new program to combat crystal meth can be put into place, Congress has to make sure it has a really awesome name. Tags: comedy funny satire onion fake news congress senate FISA wiretap barack obama

User: TheOnion

The Onion: Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff In 11,680th Day The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades. Tags: comedy funny satire fake news onion india pakistan nuclear weapons bush muslim jihad

User: TheOnion

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Presidency President Bush will seek to comfort victims of his presidency as they try to make sense of the destruction he has caused. Tags: comedy funny satire fake news onion george bush dick cheney administration katrina

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