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Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet' Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger. Tags: onion |
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Blockbuster Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Used To Be Rented The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies before the advent of services like Netflix and iTunes. Tags: onion news network |
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New Technology Indicates Missing Child A Prostitute By Now Today Now! utilizes computer technology to show a mother how rampant drug use and prostitution has ravaged her little girl's body. Tags: onion |
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McCain Declines Protection, Dares Assassins To Try Something John McCain vowed that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by replacing the Secret Service with his own bare fists. Tags: onion news network |
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Astronauts Suffer High-Pitched Death After Helium Leak In their final moments, two American astronauts display courage, honor, and squeaky voices as they struggle to patch a deadly helium leak. Tags: onion |
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NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team The Miami Dolphins have drafted NHL star Alexander Ovechkin, making his dream to play professional sports a reality. Tags: onion |
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Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night A survey by the Shuttleworth Research Center found that the majority of male roommates ages 18-24 got wasted off their asses the previous evening. Tags: onion |
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Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase Rep. William Cummings (D-VA) defends his use of the slang word "pronk" as a legitimate catchphrase. Tags: onion |
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Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Film Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. Tags: onion |
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Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times New security measures put in place to allay terror fears are threatening to drive suspicious package retailers out of business. Tags: onion |
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Plight Of Missing Hikers Will Make Great Movie Media speculation is rampant over what exciting action sequences and romantic subplots the hikers may be experiencing if they are still alive. Tags: onion |
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Hungry FDA Official Orders Massive Pot Pie Recall The FDA is urging all Americans in possession of flaky, delicious pot pies to turn them in to FDA headquarters as soon as possible. Tags: onion |
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9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. Tags: onion |
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Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography Tracy Gill talks with the author of a new book about the morning show diva we all love to hate: Tracy Gill. Tags: onion |
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China Celebrates Status As World's Number One Air Polluter China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China's progress and prosperity. Tags: onion |
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Press Secretary Spins Wife's Tragic Death As A Positive Press Secretary Ted Barrett deflects questions about the gruesome car wreck that killed his wife hours ago in order to focus on the President's agenda. Tags: onion |
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Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day Girls between the ages of 8 and 14 spent the day helping their parents fight insurgents and defuse mines. Tags: onion |
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Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War A congressional committee discussing Iraq War casualty levels approves of the tasty chips and salsa Rep. Norman Fisher (D-RI) brought to the hearing. Tags: onion |
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Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital Hospital officials hope to locate the good Samaritan that dropped off a sack of human organs in the middle of the night so they can thank him. Tags: onion |
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FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan An FCC official clarifies new broadcasting regulations that clear the way for more nude scenes featuring the beautiful, auburn-haired Alyson Hannigan. Tags: onion |